Time to give birth

My pregnancy was uneventful, as I was not among the high risk groups. Even so, I became more and more anxious as the birthing date drew near. In spite of the fact that I had read many books and looked at videos of births, whenever I thought about my moment on the delivery bed, I was scared.  Even college entrance exams have mock tests, but this time I would not have any rehearsals.

Everyone was telling me “You have nothing to worry about”, “many others have come through the experience without any problems”, “medical technology is so advanced”, “you are in such good health.” But such encouragement did not give me any comfort because I felt that the experience of others does not necessarily apply to me. When the time came I would still be alone. No one except God could help me then or give me any true comfort.

My delivery went without any complications, even though there was a moment when I was so exhausted that I cried and was about to give up. Then the Lord gave me strength and enabled me to have a natural birth. The moment when the doctor placed the baby by my side and a little pair of black eyes looked up at me, I had to hold back my tears.  I thanked God for allowing me to lean on Him to get through this crucial experience in my life.

Nine wonderful months

The first time I went for the ultrasound exam, I saw my baby on the screen.  He was just a tiny bright dot, but surprisingly gave out the sound of heart beat. 

Little by little the precious little thing grew. At first it felt like a butterfly gently fluttering its wings and then it was like someone doing martial arts exercise.  I couldn’t do anything but lie on the sofa watching my tummy heave up and down like the waves in the ocean. I drank four glasses of milk everyday, took walks, and went to bed early because my body no longer belonged to just me. Amid sweet expectation and indescribable anxiety I read books on pregnancy and child rearing, and when I went to the department stores I would check out every shelf in the Infant Department. It dawned on me that there were so many new things I must learn, and still more lying ahead of me.

During those days whenever I thought about my baby a rather strange feeling would come over me. We were such strangers to each other, I had never seen him, or talked with him.  I knew nothing about his personality or temperament. Yet our relationship was so intimate, we were closer to each other than any other two persons alive.  We shared the same body and his every breath and every move were totally dependent upon me. God entrusted him to me with the expectation that I would help him grow up to become an independent person.

After nine months he would be separated from my body and become an independent entity. From then on he would keep on growing, from a baby to a young child, and eventually to be an adult, and then to get married and have his own family. My mission was to lead him from his very young days to ways that would please God, and to acknowledge the fact that he was an independent person from childhood and not some property that belonged to my husband and me. We could very easily spoil him and make him into a little emperor or a pet in our mind. Because of this I prayed to God to give me wisdom and strength and let me learn how to bring up this child according to His will.